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How to Give a Good Blowjob

Updated: Jan 12



Ah, the unforgettable act of a blow job...

Fellatio might seem daunting, yet it holds a place of intimate excitement for many. While taking command of your partner's anatomy can be empowering, you might wonder if there's room for improvement in your oral skills. The elusive art of giving a stellar blow job is seldom covered in sex education after all.

Ultimately, the approach is subjective, as with any sexual endeavor—individual preferences vary. Nonetheless, the allure of receiving a blow job is unmatched for many. Vanessa Marin, LMFT, a certified sex therapist in Los Angeles, notes in Women’s Health Magazine, that we love blow jobs because the act feels like [vaginal] sex, but it's a very different experience—you get to relax and receive while visually enjoying what's happening in front of you. The visual element of watching one's own penis slip in and out of a mouth really gets a lot of people going. And unlike a hand-job or even penetrative sex, no one can replicate the sensation of a blow job on their own (unless you are seriously double-jointed). A mouth is wet and warm, like a vagina (or a lubed-up hand), but your lips and tongue are living, roving, irreplaceable tools of pleasure.

Marin emphasizes that the wet and warm environment of the mouth, combined with the distinctive touch of lips and tongue, creates an unparalleled sensation. While oral activities might not align with everyone's preferences (remember, your sexual inclinations are solely yours, and no one should judge you for them), they can become a potent means of deepening intimacy when shared with a compatible partner.

Kimberly Resnick Anderson, LCSW, a certified sex therapist in Los Angeles, sheds light on the fact that despite the perceived lack of face-to-face contact, engaging in this act fosters a level of trust and intimacy that is often underestimated. So, beyond the fundamentals, what more should you know about perfecting the art of oral sex? Here's how to take your BJ skills to the next level.


Start with consent

No matter how well you know your partner, establishing consent before engaging in any sexual act is crucial. Consent ensures that there is a foundation of trust and respect, important to relaxing and getting in the moment. Even if things are hot at that moment and you’re positive they’re ready for a passionate BJ, ask the person beforehand and get consent instead of assuming they want something. This allows you partner to feel safer, comfortable, valued, less anxious, and uninhibited while being free to enjoy all the pleasure sexual play can provide.


Get in a comfy position

There's nothing worse than giving a blow job and getting a cramp or feeling physically uncomfortable in some way. So, make sure you and your partner are in sustainable positions to make the situation more enjoyable all around. A comfortable position provides physical ease, minimizes discomfort, and improves concentration and sexual performance and it can also assist with endurance, creativity, and overall satisfaction. One go-to position might be kneeling between your partner's legs so you can easily cup the testicles. This position will also help you move from your core, as opposed to over-straining your neck muscles. If you're still uncomfortable, though, you can use cushions (or a sex pillow) for extra padding especially if the giver is down on their knees.


Consider a tasty lube

Lube can be a game-changer in all types of sexual activity, but especially during blow jobs. Plus, sometimes, generating enough saliva can be difficult, especially if you’re dehydrated; using lube will make the experience easier, hotter, and wetter all-around. In addition to helping prevent discomfort for both the giver and the receiver, a flavored lubricant can make it more enjoyable for the giver as well. Whether you like the taste of coconut oil or prefer a water-based lube, there are plenty of lube options out there that can change your blow job game. Try a few and see what you and your partner like the most. Or consider a daily supplement like Pecker Nectar and ensure you always taste your best.


Be enthusiastic

One of the most important rules of giving good head is wanting to give good head. Recipients will have a great time if they know their partner is enjoying it as well. You should *never* do something you’re not comfortable with just because a sexual partner asks you. But if you’re considering going down on someone, the best thing you can bring to the BJ party is a properly good attitude.


Initiate with a little foreplay

While men may consider oral sex foreplay, the person giving head may need to get in the mood first. Seducing your partner, teasing them, and letting them know how much you want them to take you are great ways to get the party started. Teasing is a great way to increase desire because when we can't have what it is that we want, we desire it that much more. If you’re already making out or cuddling, you can try whispering in their ear what you want, or discreetly guide their hands to the area looking for attention. Consider a sexy massage, rub some lubricant on them, or tease them with a sex toy before a BJ to get them hot and ready. You can also listen to an erotic podcast, watch porn together, read erotica out loud to each other, or play a sex game to set the mood. Chances are, you won’t be able to keep your hands off each other—and the sweet anticipation will make the blow job experience that much better when it finally happens.


Use your mouth, lips, AND hands Now, onto the techniques… While there are many ways to give a blow job, a simple way to start is by wrapping your dominant hand around the shaft of the penis, then adding your mouth. You can connect your hand to your lips—as in, press your index finger and thumb (which are making an O sign) against your lips and keep them sealed there—and experiment by moving your hand-plus-lips up and down the penis. Of course, you can also keep your mouth in one place and move your wet hand up and down separately. Use your hand to pull any loose skin on the penis downward while squeezing the base is a great way to force the blood into the most sensitive spot, the frenulum. You can start by laying the penis flat against the pubic area, a natural position from which you can use both hands to hold the back as you suck, lick, kiss, and blow on the front. Open your mouth slightly and try running your tongue up and down the length of the penis down to the testicles.


Use your tongue to tease them Chances are that your partner is going to be full of anticipation the minute they feel your mouth on them. After all, your lips and tongue provide warmth, texture, and wetness that your partner can't necessarily get elsewhere. When going down on your partner initially keep your tongue soft and relaxed in your mouth, then using the tongue to tease their sensitive areas. You can then use the tip of your tongue to trace the head and frenulum—the underside where the penis head meets the shaft. Those two areas (especially the frenulum) are packed with nerve endings—so, expect your partner to start writhing. You can also use the flat side of your tongue to lick from the bottom of the shaft to the very tip and down again or throw in a few tongue flicks. The possibilities are endless when it comes to tongue technique, so have fun with it and you’ll find your partner’s sensitive spot in no time.


Try the "wrist twist," or the "corkscrew" method Once you start finding your rhythm, try mixing up your technique a bit with a little wrist twisting action. With your mouth on the penis, rotate your firm wrist in clockwise circles as you move your hand up and down. There's also the “corkscrew” method, which involves twisting your head as you bob up and down. This provides intense stimulation, especially when you do it toward the tip of the penis while holding the base firmly, forcing the blood into the penis and making it quite sensitive. For added pleasure, press your tongue against the frenulum as you come up to the head of the penis while doing the corkscrew technique.


Stimulate other parts of the body while you suck The best part about oral sex is that it doesn’t only have to involve mouth-to-penis action. To turn your partner on more, try stimulating other parts of their body like their inner thighs, hips, and other erogenous zones. Widen your focus beyond the penis and try some nipple stimulation, or touching their leg and other areas. Consider ways to make oral sex a full-body sensory experience. If you’re female, you can even rub your breasts and nipples across their penis for an unexpected sensation and visualization that will really drive them wild.


Play with the balls This one’s totally up to the receiver's personal preferences, but if your partner likes to have their testicles stimulated, you may want to incorporate this move into your BJ routine. Start gently as not everyone may want to have their balls tugged firmly. Gently wrap a thumb and index finger around the testicles and pull them gently away until you have slight surface tension on the end—the spot farthest from the body, then, gently run your tongue in a circle and flick it against and around that end area. You can use your fingertips to do this, or you can take the testicles into your mouth while lightly licking and sucking. This is known as tea bagging.


Make eye contact Some flirty eye contact can make a blow job extra arousing. You don't necessarily need to stare up at them the entire time without blinking (you want them to relax, after all!) but do take conscious breaks to switch your gaze from the penis to their eyes, taking in all facial cues. This is also a great opportunity to take in how much they’re enjoying the moment. And to feel the power that comes from pleasing your partner so completely.


Try dirty talk Another great way to heat things up during a blow job? Exploring dirty talk. Dirty talk can intensify arousal, anticipation, and provide valuable communication during oral sex as it also provides enhanced intimacy, deviance, fun, and increases desire between both partners. Oral sex. An intimate act you can love to give as much as receive. Just make sure you both take turns ;-)


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